ONE MAN BAND
“Been flyin' solo for so long
Nobody's singin' the harmony
Up there just me and my shadow
No bass, no guitar, no tambourine…
I don't wanna be a one man band
I don't wanna be a rolling stone, alone”
- ”One Man Band” by Old Dominion
If you don’t want to be alone, you want to find your someone and be in a healthy relationship, you gotta put forth some effort, right? But what does that look like? Online dating, matchmaker, speed dating, mail-order bride/groom, setups/blind dates, bar-hopping, or just good old fate.
Many people say that they are waiting for the right person to come along. But what does “waiting” actually look like? I think there is actively waiting in hope and doing nothing waiting, which is basically doing nothing, hoping the man/woman of your dreams will show up at your door in a beacon of light (so there’s not doubt he’s the one). There’s also a difference between putting yourself out there and trying way too hard.
Where’s the balance? Where’s the middle ground? How do you actively wait and hope instead of just sitting at home waiting for the mailman to drop off your future spouse? Where’s the line between trying too hard and not hard enough? How do you wait well?
I honestly don’t know. I only know I can work on myself, continue improving on my awesomeness. I can also say “yes” to that party where several people I don’t know will be. And I can say “maybe” to meeting that “really neat guy” my friend desperately wants me to meet; and that “maybe” may turn into a “yes” or “no” after some further research (aka the appropriate amount of social media stalking and Q&A with said friend). And I say “no” to downloading the next great dating app. Are you saying “yes” to wise opportunities or just always saying “no”?
Sidenote: the same is true in friendships! If you are the friend who is always saying “no” to the invitations to hang out, or worse saying “yes” then at the last minute bailing, then you will stop being invited. A person can only get rejected so many times before she stops asking. If you find yourself wondering why you weren’t invited to that fun event, the group hang out, the friendsgiving, or even that blind date, maybe check your history. Are you the guy who never commits or follows through? Are you making yourself available to be asked, and even more importantly are you following through on the “yes”?
Lots of options, they say. There are more fish in the sea! Don’t be so picky...or should you? Keep those standards high, but be open to someone who wouldn’t normally fit the profile. So. Many. Must-have lists. It’s a lot. But if the deep desire and longing to be table for two instead of one is strong enough, do something about it. Make the effort. Send a text or email or homing pigeon. You have to actively wait if that’s what you want.
I have tried the online dating scene...scary...that’s a whole other blog post in itself, so that’s out. I don’t have many friends setting me up, so there’s that. Bar hopping is not my scene. Dating a man in corporate America is tough because I never know if I’ll be accused of colluding or hit with an ethics training. I’m definitely not at the worst-case, mail-order scenario -- I’d rather be single. As I’ve said before, I’m content. I’m so happy with my life, but I would love to share it with someone. I’m up for suggestions, tips, or ridiculous stories, if anyone would like to share! In the meantime, I keep saying yes to the Christmas parties, group hangouts, local events. I’m trying to find that balance between the yeses and nos.