COLORADO
When I lived overseas, I always thought that if I ever moved back to America I would live in Colorado. It’s so beautiful there! Why would you not want to live in Colorado? The weather is as close to perfection as weather can get (in my humble opinion), with the four seasons represented in all their glory against a mountainous backdrop. Takes my breath away.
When in college, I participated in a summer discipleship training program in Summit County Colorado. Though that was, in some ways, the summer from hell, it was also where I learned to really connect personally to God and where my faith truly became my own. During lunch breaks, I would pray and journal overlooking the Dillon Reservoir. I went to a church that met at an outdoor amphitheater where the Rockies stood, proudly displayed, in the background. There’s something about constantly being surrounded by tangible beauty that helps me to understand the intangible a little better.
Before I moved to Ukraine I had to go through missionary training. I’ve written a little about it here. The training center was nestled in a small mountain town right outside Colorado Springs. I loved every minute of it. God and I got real personal during this trip. I met Him there, and, at times, it felt as though that would be the closest I would ever get to truly being in His presence. When I would go off for my quiet times, I could feel His presence in such a distinct way. We became more than Lord and servant; we became Father and daughter, Beloved and love, best friends.
Thus, I felt closest to God when I was in Colorado. Therefore, that’s where I needed to be! Or at least that’s what I believed. I just knew I could be happy there, constantly surrounded by the beauty in which I saw the face of God. Living in Colorado would be my saving grace. Colorado would get me through the hard times I was sure to have, but I’d be in Colorado...where I’m closer to God...so it’ll be ok. It’s almost as if I felt like even the mere act of breathing in and out would be a little easier living in Colorado.
When I moved back to America I lived with my family for a time in Arkansas. After the reverse culture shock wore off (which took me longer than expected, but that’s another story), I was ready to get my rear to Colorado. I applied for every job I could find. Nada. So I stayed in Arkansas and just kept moving forward with what was in front of me.
August 1, 2014 I finally moved to Colorado. I was ready to be overwhelmed with glory, power, beauty, and a keen awareness of God’s presence on the reg. Expectations were at an all time high, like Disney princess singing out a window and birds joining in kind of high. Finally I would feel whole and close to God once more...because I was in Colorado.
Well, Colorado was beautiful and majestic. I had a good time and met some wonderful people. And my Father did meet me there. But it wasn’t magical. I felt the same. There wasn’t a veil that was lifted as soon as I crossed the border from the darkness of Kansas into the light of Colorado. It was, and is, just another state. I struggled just as I did in Arkansas but at a higher altitude. The grass was about the same amount of green as it was where I had been standing. I was the same.
I realized Colorado wasn’t the light that would save me from feeling the hard, dark places. The shiny glow of it wore off, and the Centennial State was knocked off its pedestal. Colorado became another location on the long list of places I have lived. Unintentionally, I had put God in a Colorado-shaped box; He was only powerful when I was there. He was only close to me when I was there. He was big when I was there. Graciously, God used my mundane Colorado living experience to show me my error. More importantly I came to understand that God will meet me anywhere: ugly and beautiful, mountains and plains, good and bad. I didn’t need to be in the mountains to see Him or feel Him. I liked living there, but I didn’t need to live there. So, I guess, a veil did get lifted. Colorado was no longer an idol, just a lovely, expensive, place to live. And God showed me He’s way bigger and more beautiful than the mountains.
I still love going to the mountains and sometimes long to escape to them. Colorado is still special to me. Wonderful, important God things happened there. God loved me in big ways in Colorado, just as He has done every where I’ve been. Now, I can visit without expectation. I still look out at the gorgeous mountains, and they take my breath away. I can go, sit back, gaze in awe at the beauty, and rest. I do still love you, Colorado; I’m just not in love with you. 😉
Birthday trip to Summit County, CO with some of my favorite people!